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MarJi

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2013. [Jan. 3rd, 2013|10:38 am]
MarJi
[locale. |home.]
[mental sensing. |contemplativecontemplative]
[what fills the silence. |the deafening roar of silence.]

and so begins a new year. i don't write in here, pretty much ever. i just find that i can't express myself anymore. particularly for others to actually read about. perhaps i'm growing up? perhaps i'm just shutting down. in any case, i still want to preserve what is here. and so, i begin my new year with a post.

2012 was incredibly challenging, and i have felt stress and grief like never before. what i have come to conclude is that i MUST make time for myself. without putting any focus on myself, i am losing ME. i cannot allow this to happen. for myself, for my marriage, for my family, and for my health. it is always much easier said for me than done, but i cannot have a year like this last. not that the stressors and grief will not be there (i'm sure that they will), but i must not handle them as i have before. i must make time for growing within myself and with the Lord, which can only in turn better all other areas of my life.

so, i am not calling this a resolution. i just need to find me again.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

(no subject) [Apr. 16th, 2012|10:38 pm]
MarJi
"Having a good marriage is more about being the right partner, than having the right partner." wow. so true.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

think i've got most of this stuff in there. [Mar. 23rd, 2012|07:22 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |sadsad]

bill's plane out of virginia had mechanical trouble. which means, there is no flight out until tomorrow. so i have to spend another night home alone. i was really looking forward to having him home. and i'm really sad.

i know that i sound incredibly pathetic. but, i just miss him when he's gone. and i've been planning on his homecoming, and now i won't even be here when he gets home. ugh.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2012|09:54 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |discontentdiscontent]

it's incredibly sad that i lived all day for the (less than) 10 minutes that i got to talk to my husband today. i am so lame.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

i can't give it away faster than i'm finding it. [Feb. 6th, 2012|09:09 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |calmcalm]

Hoarders makes me want to go through every inch of my house and start throwing stuff away! we've seen first hand what it can really do to a home (not to mention a family!), yet i continue to collect stuff. not even close to the extent of the people on the show. but i just want a clutter free home! ahhhh!!! what it really boils down to is that i want a home in which everything has it's place. i want cupboard space for all of my food (and each shelf is designated for the types of food!!!), and i want storage and space for my sewing and cake things. i want a designated spot for william's music and computer things. i don't want things piled and "fit" into spots that make it incredibly difficult to actually get to. i know that we don't have an unreasonable amount of stuff (mostly!), but i just want it all to have a place.

oh well. we have a home, and for that i am incredibly grateful!

oh! and i applied for a second job today. it's not in any way the type of hours i'd like to have, but the money would be good. and it could potentially lead to more. but, really, right now i just want to get out from beneath my debt and feel more stable.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

ringin in 2012. [Jan. 2nd, 2012|09:34 am]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |hopefulhopeful]

so 2012 is here. i will make no resolutions, but i will treat it as another year that i have been granted from God and i want to treasure it as such. i want to treasure the world i live in, i want to better treasure my family and friends, i certainly want to better treasure my husband, and most of all i want to treasure myself. i want to be the best "me" i can be, and until i do that i can't be the best for anyone else. will any of that be easy? NO. but, i want to try. because, if the last year has taught me nothing, it's that life is gone in an instant. and i want to make sure that i am living it the way i should be. for God. and, in turn, for everyone else.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

i'm on the road of least resistance. trying, anyway. [Nov. 21st, 2011|09:22 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |aggravatedaggravated]

wish i felt compelled to clean when i'm annoyed, cuz my house would be spotless tonight. maybe i should try???
Linkformulate a colloquy.

(no subject) [Oct. 17th, 2011|02:35 pm]
MarJi
i so totally have a million and one emotions conflicting in me, and i just have no idea how to process them all.  i wish that some of them would just be gone, because i have absolutely NO use for them.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

it has a lot of deep, dark tones. [Aug. 2nd, 2011|11:36 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |annoyedannoyed]

i had big plans to get stuff done around here tonight. before bill gets home tomorrow. but i've done NOTHING. other than go back through old journal entries. why? i have no clue. but my house is still a mess. dang.
Linkformulate a colloquy.

who am i kidding? [Aug. 1st, 2011|09:20 pm]
MarJi
[mental sensing. |blahblah]

so, i returned bottles at wegmans today and i was quite embarrassed at the immense number of beer bottles. like, other people were giving me "looks" as i unloaded the cart full of bottles. not that i particularly care what others think of me, but i felt the same way as those people looked.

and, as i typed this, i learned that hospice was called in for my grammy's older brother. granted, the man has had an amazing almost 93(?) years, but... he's my last real connection to my grammy. as in, she and he were so similar that when i sat and chatted with him last, it felt like she was still around. i know i haven't seen him in a couple of years, but the thought of him being gone makes me a bit sad. i do, however, know he'll be much happier once this fight is over.

enough for now. i'll probably be back later. especially because when bill is gone, i'm too lonely for my own good. and then i start pouring it out here.
Link1 colloquy|formulate a colloquy.

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